Understanding engineers

…because I got 90% of them in class 😀

 

Take One
**************************************************
Two engineering students were walking across campus when
one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
“The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Take Two
**************************************************
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist,
the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is
twice as big as it needs to be.

Take Three
***************************************************
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
“What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!

“The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word
with him.” [dramatic pause]

“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow,
aren’t they?”

The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for
them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Take Four
**************************************************
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later the company
contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with
one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a
small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
stated, “This is where your problem is”.

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for
his service. They demanded an itemised accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Take Five
*************************************************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build
targets.

Take Six
**************************************************
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it
work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it
cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries
with that?”

Take Seven
*************************************************
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Take Eight
*************************************************
“Normal people … believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough
features yet.”
— Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Take Nine
**************************************************
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and get some work done.”

Take Ten
**************************************************
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called
out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful
princess.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn
me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you
I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and
do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mr. Hansome
    Nov 14, 2012 @ 07:17:11

    Finally we have finished with Obama and his friends (Romey), I was bored with politic.
    The jokes are very good, I’m engineer and I will choose other options, for example in the first I will choose the girl., I won’t have any doubt.
    Those thinks this options are Sheldon and his friends, in KYB one option is Angel because his brain is similar
    I like number 1-4-8-9-10

    I know a similar joke

    One woman go to the doctor and knocks on the door
    The doctor says; come on please
    Doctor sees a beutiful woman with a big boobs and he says; Strip clothes please
    And the woman says: Where do I put the clothes?
    Doctor says: Up on my clothes

    JaJaJa

    Reply

  2. luveustaki
    Nov 14, 2012 @ 15:50:40

    Mr. Handsome you have a natural ability to joke in English, I think you should post more jokes on the blog and entertain us with your talent 🙂

    Reply

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